Every time I think I have things figured out, God kicks my butt. Every time I think I've started to get a grasp of what being a good leader is about, I'm challenged with a new situation/person. Every time I think, wow I'm really experiencing God, I'm challenged with some situation that makes me seek out a different aspect of who he is.

I feel like I've been learning a lot the last few weeks. Learning how to deal with difficult situations. Learning how to be a better support to friends. Learning what it means to live by faith. Learning more about the character of God. Learning how to make tough decisions. Learning what it's like to have to completely rely on God.

I've prayed more in the last three weeks than probably ever. Like they always say, there's nothing like a tragedy/tough situation to get you on your knees, right? I don't think I've ever cried out to God in such a way where I actually felt like he was hearing the words I was saying like I have recently. Over the last few weeks I've truly realized that the faith I thought I had is definitely without a doubt REAL. It's not some fleeting thing that I experienced a while ago, it's real. (One of my fears after my DTS was that I'd hit some tough stuff and everything would dissipate.)

I wrote to someone the other day that I've never experienced such a peace in my life as I have over the last few weeks. And in the midst of some pretty crazy situations (that have honestly left me feeling pretty drained) I can without a doubt sit here and write to you to say that God is in control and that I have never trusted in God more in my life.

Walking through the hard stuff challenges you to grow. You basically have two options, I think. You can let things get you down and destroy you or you can get on your face and trust that God is going to walk you through it and go out in the power that can only come from him.

I say all this with the complete understanding that some people are thinking, "whoa superchristian kim!" and that's alright because I've reached this point where I'm not going to apologize because I know that I know that I know that this is real. It's what I've experienced. It's what I believe. And I know it's true. My God, our God, ... he is mighty to save and he walks through the valleys of the shadow of death with us and has it all under control and he has conquered the grave and he is so, so faithful. He'll never leave us. He'll never forsake us. And when the crap hits the fan and we wonder how we're going to deal, he's still there walking with us.

We can hang on to stuff and worry and think about all the what if's but like I was reminded of last night, we CANNOT be hanging on to those things. We HAVE to lay them down at the cross and keep walking in the strength God gives us or else it'll freaking destroy us. Challenges come and tragedies come and life can get hard but we ALWAYS have to keep our eyes focused on Jesus in the easy stuff and in the hard stuff cause he's the only one big enough to walk through those situations.

One of my favorite stories in the bible is in Exodus when God leads the people out of Egypt. They're all freaking out and complaining and are worried that the Egyptians are going to kill them and God basically says, Shut up. I'm in control. I'm fighting for you. And then he rocks their world by leading them across Red Sea on dry ground and smashing up all the Egyptians.

God is in control.
He's fighting for us.

There's also the story of how God was a pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night when they were walking in the desert. (If you've never worked in a middle eastern desert for several weeks, cloud cover is like getting a pony for Christmas. And warmth at night is like hot cocoa after sledding.) He gave them exactly what they needed. When they were hungry, he gave them manna from heaven. When they were in exile, he brought them out. Again. When they needed redemption, he sent his son. He's always providing. Always has. Always will. Cause he's constant.

People and jobs and money will fail but God never will. In the good and the bad he's always there. When you have doubts, he's there. When you're spent, he's there. When you're on top of the world, he's there.

Keep trusting. He'll never leave you. Never forsake you. And will always love you.

much love.
-kim