This entry is going to take a more serious tone but first...

13 year old girls who are writing about love and how they've lost it and some boy they're in love with and who is in love with them is ending up with other girls at the end of the week even though he said he loved her on Monday is ridiculous.
Thanks.

Anyway.

Last night (Wednesday night) I closed by myself at work. And while I've generally been getting off at 10:30pm when I'm working with someone else, last night I got off at 12:09am. Which is sweet money (almost an 8.5hr shift.) but I was so, so tired. Then today (Thursday) I got the honor of closing again, only this time having the determination to get out of there before 12:09am. But I had such a freaking bad attitude. Not like, hey giddyup, let's get this done, but just that jerk attitude of like, this is freaking stupid. I'm going to just scrape by and do it good enough. Like, bad enough attitude that the girl I was working with thought I was mad at her. (seriously, I'm a jerk sometimes. and now I need to apologize when I see her.) Which isn't generally how I roll at work. I've always had a good attitude about it. (Really.) Anyway. I work at the Walmart Subway so we take our trash to the back of the Walmart store and throw it in the trash chute thing that Walmart uses. The thing stays locked so I have to call a manager to open it. So. I did and I was sitting back there waiting and this guy I see from time to time says to me, finally had enough, huh? And I said, what? and he goes, you look like you're sick of it. Tired of Subway already? So I just said I was tired and carried on waiting for Mr. Manager. So I go back into the store and the greeter guy goes, you look happy. why don't you just do it half-assed and go home. And I said I didn't want to lose my job and wanted a good reference when I leave. Then he laughed at me and said to just make up references.

So I was in the back doing dishes cussing in my head at each pan when I was punched in the face with, WHAT ARE YOU DOING??!?!?! I seriously have absolutely no reason to be bitter or mad or upset or whatever. Granted, I didn't want to be there, but that's only because it's a job and that's not as fun as hanging out with friends or watching paint dry or something.

I was really convicted tonight about my attitude towards things and how it's not about doing it good enough to get by or good enough to make my manager happy enough. If I'm really trying to "live out the kingdom" I think it does come down to a heart thing where even in the smallest activities, I'm living joyfully, working for God. And not to say that it's always going to be happy or whatever but just living with the right attitude, or even trying to, is a step closer to bringing the kingdom to earth. So now it's moved from living my life as far as like morals and stuff go to a high standard to every aspect of life, living to a higher standard and it's kicking my butt.

All night I had this verse resonating in my head:
Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to win their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord. Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. -Colossians 3:22-24

And not that Subway is slavery or anything (free sammys. jiggggaaaa) but you get the point. Everything we do all the time should be as if we're serving the Lord.

It's easy, I think, to live at the status quo of just going to work and being ho hum about it but to live joyfully and radically and make it not as, this is for the paycheck but the life I'm living doesn't belong to me and I should be using my time here to serve God, serve people, and in all the things I do, reflect Christ to the people around me. (Not that you have to be Ned Flanders Christian. Cause I'd probably punch you in the throat. But you get what I'm thinking? Anyway. Just my conviction.) Which I think I'm learning to do better as time goes on. And it's still a struggle, but the more I'm working and the less I'm in this Christian bubble, the more I see the need for people to reflect Christ and not make it a faith that is for Sundays and when other Christians are around.

kickingmybutt.

oh. ... yeah. ... I got a warning tonight from a friendly ol' county office. LIKE 1/4 MILE FROM HOME. ... all because I didn't use my turn signal coming off State St. LAME SANDWICH.

lovelove.
-kim
(ps: betty, don't show barb the part about my warning. she'll kill me.)