for real.
where has the time gone?

in one week, it'll be SEPTEMBER!!! it really feels like i left last week and now i've already been gone out of the states 6 months, and have spent two months back. it's just crazy how fast time goes now. three weeks from today (saturday) i'm leaving indiana headed for texas to spend a few days with my dear friend heather. from there i'm off to oregon to hang out with carter, a guy from my outreach team, and then finally on the 22nd, i'll be leaving oregon to fly to new zealand to stay for some months.

this whole journey, the last eight months, it's been such a ride. being able to look back and say that i've honestly lived is a really cool feeling. and knowing that i've found out so much about who God is in the midst of the everyday things is incredible.

i was hanging out with this friend the other day and as per usual with all the people in my life (generally, not ALL all), i was being harassed for being kind of the heathen immature one and i started talking about where i was at and how i'd changed and what God had done in my life and was continuing to do. just saying how i have purpose now. and meaning to life. things i didn't really have before. i didn't have drive or anything that pushed me to be better than what i was. i mean, i had people around me who did that, but it was never a personal thing. it was always to satisfy others expectations of me but my heart wasn't in it. as i was talking and later when i was thinking about it, i definitely had this feeling like, man this is truth! it's not me giving lip service to say the right answers and whatever but it was from the heart (like hallmark without the gold embossing.) and that was so freaking cool. i was finally able to articulate kind of who i've become.

while i was on outreach, i was hit with this conviction of living to a higher standard. like i think i've said on here before, not just hitting the "good enough" mark but constantly striving for more. and since i've gotten home and have been working at the big subway sammy shop, i've realized how much more i want out of life. i don't want to stay the person i am right now but i want to live more and more like Christ. which sounds cheesy but whatever.

i've met so many people lately who have no purpose. they live and that's it. and i don't want that!!! i want to change the world. which is a big dream but why not dream big and strive for so much more? lately i've been challenged with living everyday to a higher standard. not just in the moral kind of things of making the right choice and stuff but seriously everyday striving to live the best i can. and not just living "right" but living a life of reckless abandon the way we as Christians are called to live.

i was talking to my friend jim the other day who lives in the big C about how much easier it was to trust God on outreach. but now that i'm home, it's so so much harder. and as i'm about to step out here in a few weeks, it's messing with my mind about whether or not God really will provide but that i'm not going to experience God's power until I put myself in a place where I need his provision in my life. anyway. Jim said: that's true,we begin to see his power,his unfailing faithfulness only when we choose to step out of the boat. we can choose to be like peter who believed on the voice of him who calls him and change the history or choose to stay like the rest thinking that old peter is crazy to jump out of the boat

why don't more people have faith like that???? that's the kind of faith i desire. to honestly be able to say, i surrender, and have 100% faith that God is going to work things out.

eeeeeeeee.
tuesday is my last day at subway.
thursday is a colts game that i'm going to.
sunday mel is coming!!!!!!!!
tuesday is chicago with some besties!!!!!!!!!
wednesday to saturday... still chicago!
friday is art night.
then saturday i leave!!