four months later...
i'm in switzerland. just spent 5 weeks in israel and had an incredible time graduating our students, finishing the school, hanging out with friends, hearing from the Lord, and seeing God do some incredible things.
i'm at a ywam workshop til the weekend then will be staying with a friend for about a week before heading to germany and eventually home.
looking forward to what's ahead.
so stoked i can't even believe it.
love.
Friday, September 11, 2009
Friday, May 29, 2009
bali is probably one of the weirdest places i've been. we were told by an indonesian guy that it's harder to be a christian in bali (where it's hindu) than it is in jakarta (where it's muslim) because of western influence.
we had worship on the beach yesterday and this lady, julia, and her husband, paul, came and joined us. they're indonesian and he's from the high class of bali. she's been a christian for 15 years. he's been a christian for a year. a year ago he was in a coma for 5 days and he had a vision. he saw a bright light and came out of it wanting to accept Jesus. he said it took a few strokes, a heart attack, a coma, and something else for Jesus to get his attention and now he's a Christian trying to influence his family.
they said they're thankful for westerners that come in to preach the gospel.
what do we do.
my heart is heavy in this place because i see hindu statues everywhere and thousands of small sacrifices being made and literally can't do anything for these people at this moment except pray that Jesus would become as real to them as he did to our new friend Paul.
The heavens declare the glory of God, the skies proclaim the works of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech, night after night they display knowledge. Psalm 19:1-2
ulu watu beach. bali, indonesia.
we had worship on the beach yesterday and this lady, julia, and her husband, paul, came and joined us. they're indonesian and he's from the high class of bali. she's been a christian for 15 years. he's been a christian for a year. a year ago he was in a coma for 5 days and he had a vision. he saw a bright light and came out of it wanting to accept Jesus. he said it took a few strokes, a heart attack, a coma, and something else for Jesus to get his attention and now he's a Christian trying to influence his family.
they said they're thankful for westerners that come in to preach the gospel.
what do we do.
my heart is heavy in this place because i see hindu statues everywhere and thousands of small sacrifices being made and literally can't do anything for these people at this moment except pray that Jesus would become as real to them as he did to our new friend Paul.
The heavens declare the glory of God, the skies proclaim the works of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech, night after night they display knowledge. Psalm 19:1-2
ulu watu beach. bali, indonesia.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
The town I live in only has about 1500 people. There are no stop lights, no roundabouts, and no stores open past 8. Located at the foothills of the mountains under the most open, beautiful sky in the entire world, it's as if the sky really just bends here and you get a better idea of what God was saying when he said Abraham's descendants would be as numerous and immeasurable as the stars in the sky. There's this feeling like you're in gigantic dome underneath the heavens and you feel like things here are so right in creation that heaven is truly meeting earth and you can't help but stop and take it all in.
There's seriously no other place in the world I'd rather be than right here doing exactly what I'm doing with the people I'm with. My days are filled with sharing life with people who are seeking out God's love and their identity in him and it provides the opportunity to walk alongside people and encourage them as they in turn walk out this crazy thing we call life. God is still working on my heart in the midst of it too and it is truly a magnificent thing.
Everyday holds tears from laughing so hard and usually some crazy story about me tripping and slamming my face on the ground or getting fried fish rubbed all over my face or ripping my pants on a bike.
We laugh together, cry together, make pizza together, share our hearts together, and have a lot of fun in the midst of it. We learn how to live, work, and play together with people from all over the world and it is an incredibly beautiful thing because at the core of it all is this mutual love for God and this zeal for taking hope and love to the people around us.
You get this feeling like something is just right here.
Like God is definitely in this place, you know?
So anyway, here's what's been happening:
[GOD IS GOOD.] |Still.| [GOD IS LOVE.] |Still.|
The biggest lesson God keeps pounding in my head is that I am RIDICULOUSLY loved by him. It's something I struggle to grasp a lot of times but His love never fails and He keeps pursuing me so I keep laying down the things that hold me back and clinging tightly to the promises He's given me. Jesus' love never fails. Ever.
The last three months have been amazing and I have been blessed with deeper friendships with old friends and new friendships with people I've grown to love deeply. Being in YWAM makes you feel like you've known people for years when you've known them for months and it takes you to this crazy deep level of friendship like nothing else.
Man, seriously, I just love life and am in awe of how God has worked in my life. I can't tell you how many times a day I stop and think, "thank you God." Everyday the mountains take my breath away. Everyday the goodness of God makes me stop and really reflect on my life and what he's doing and what he's done and what I'm doing with my life and I'm just so grateful for it all! (Especially for the people here and the others around the world that I'm just flipping blessed to have in my life!)
In other news...
[I'M GOING TO SOUTHEAST ASIA!]
It's with great excitement that I can finally say I know my co-leader, our outreach locations, and our students!
What this means: For three months, I'll be co-leading a team of 7 students (Americans, Canadians, and New Zealanders) around Southeast Asia with a New Zealander named Kieren. We'll be travelling through Asia working with all kinds of ministries - anything from preaching in a prison to digging wells to helping in an orphanage to teaching new believers more about who God is.
Our hope is that by the end of it, there will be a passion in our students hearts to pursue long term missions - whether that be by going or by mobilizing, supporting, or helping out in various other aspects of missions.
Our Countries: Indonesia (Bali). Taiwan. Thailand. Cambodia.
Our Need:
Approximately $1800USD for myself
Approximately $5,500USD for our entire team.
Because of the extreme fluctuation in the exchange rate and the drastic drop in the value of the New Zealand dollar, our fees have increased to make up for it so while I would have been covered for my fees, I now need $2000 more than what I had originally budgeted. Between selling my car and those who've already supported me, I've been able to cover over $6000 of my expenses which is an incredible blessing but I still need to cover the rest of my outreach.
What's being covered in this is: all of my living expenses in New Zealand and abroad from September 2008 to August 2009 (transportation, food, housing, etc.), my travel costs for leading my outreach team, my vaccinations, pretty much every aspect of my life. We pay fees to the base I work with and together with the money from the rest of my team, we create a budget that will allow us to travel through Southeast Asia together for three months as well as three weeks of debrief in Israel with the rest of the school.
There's this sense of urgency within this because outreach is coming up in 5 weeks and I need to have my fees paid by the end of next week so that we can buy our plane tickets. If we don't have the money, we can't by the tickets, which means we can't go on outreach.
So... I'm asking that you would consider supporting me in this. Whether it's $25 or $1000, every bit helps and every bit takes me one step closer to making this a reality.
If you want to support me or want more information about it, please write me and let me know you're thinking about it so that I can pass that info on to my leaders.
While I know that the economy is absolutely crazy right now and there's so much uncertainty about the future, I still want to ask you guys to pray about supporting me financially. I'm praying in faith that God will provide a way for me to go on outreach so I ask you to consider joining in on what I'm doing. If you have any questions, feel free to ask!
SO, KIM... WHAT'S NEXT?
After going through Southeast Asia, we'll be meeting up with the other teams in Israel for a two week debrief and graduate our students on August 13th. We'll then have staff debrief for a week and the school will be over! From there, I'll be spending some time in Israel before beginning my journey back to the states as well as visiting a few friends along the way. I'm hoping to get connected with a base in Amsterdam to do some work with prostitute ministries up there. God has really been laying human trafficking on my heart hardcore so I'm hoping to get some time working with that sort of thing for a month or two before heading home.
The plan is to be heading back to the states around mid October for a few months before coming back to New Zealand to finish off the leadership course that I'm in and from there... the world is my oyster. This is all subject to change but for now, that's the plan I've laid out.
THE FINAL WORD:
I am super stoked to be leading this team with Kieren and I still can't believe what a stellar group of students we have. It is such an incredible privilege and responsibility to lead this team and I can't wait to see what God does in and through our team as we share life and journey together the next few months across the globe.
Hopefully this gives you guys a better, less scattered, more solid idea of what I'm doing.
Love you all.
-kim
If you want to support me or my team (or send nature valley bars...), you can send checks with a note for me to:
YWAM Oxford
PO Box 47
Oxford, North Canterbury
New Zealand
Or go to: http://www.ywamoxford.org/pay-online/
(all donations done online are in New Zealand Dollars.)
There's seriously no other place in the world I'd rather be than right here doing exactly what I'm doing with the people I'm with. My days are filled with sharing life with people who are seeking out God's love and their identity in him and it provides the opportunity to walk alongside people and encourage them as they in turn walk out this crazy thing we call life. God is still working on my heart in the midst of it too and it is truly a magnificent thing.
Everyday holds tears from laughing so hard and usually some crazy story about me tripping and slamming my face on the ground or getting fried fish rubbed all over my face or ripping my pants on a bike.
We laugh together, cry together, make pizza together, share our hearts together, and have a lot of fun in the midst of it. We learn how to live, work, and play together with people from all over the world and it is an incredibly beautiful thing because at the core of it all is this mutual love for God and this zeal for taking hope and love to the people around us.
You get this feeling like something is just right here.
Like God is definitely in this place, you know?
So anyway, here's what's been happening:
[GOD IS GOOD.] |Still.| [GOD IS LOVE.] |Still.|
The biggest lesson God keeps pounding in my head is that I am RIDICULOUSLY loved by him. It's something I struggle to grasp a lot of times but His love never fails and He keeps pursuing me so I keep laying down the things that hold me back and clinging tightly to the promises He's given me. Jesus' love never fails. Ever.
The last three months have been amazing and I have been blessed with deeper friendships with old friends and new friendships with people I've grown to love deeply. Being in YWAM makes you feel like you've known people for years when you've known them for months and it takes you to this crazy deep level of friendship like nothing else.
Man, seriously, I just love life and am in awe of how God has worked in my life. I can't tell you how many times a day I stop and think, "thank you God." Everyday the mountains take my breath away. Everyday the goodness of God makes me stop and really reflect on my life and what he's doing and what he's done and what I'm doing with my life and I'm just so grateful for it all! (Especially for the people here and the others around the world that I'm just flipping blessed to have in my life!)
In other news...
[I'M GOING TO SOUTHEAST ASIA!]
It's with great excitement that I can finally say I know my co-leader, our outreach locations, and our students!
What this means: For three months, I'll be co-leading a team of 7 students (Americans, Canadians, and New Zealanders) around Southeast Asia with a New Zealander named Kieren. We'll be travelling through Asia working with all kinds of ministries - anything from preaching in a prison to digging wells to helping in an orphanage to teaching new believers more about who God is.
Our hope is that by the end of it, there will be a passion in our students hearts to pursue long term missions - whether that be by going or by mobilizing, supporting, or helping out in various other aspects of missions.
Our Countries: Indonesia (Bali). Taiwan. Thailand. Cambodia.
Our Need:
Approximately $1800USD for myself
Approximately $5,500USD for our entire team.
Because of the extreme fluctuation in the exchange rate and the drastic drop in the value of the New Zealand dollar, our fees have increased to make up for it so while I would have been covered for my fees, I now need $2000 more than what I had originally budgeted. Between selling my car and those who've already supported me, I've been able to cover over $6000 of my expenses which is an incredible blessing but I still need to cover the rest of my outreach.
What's being covered in this is: all of my living expenses in New Zealand and abroad from September 2008 to August 2009 (transportation, food, housing, etc.), my travel costs for leading my outreach team, my vaccinations, pretty much every aspect of my life. We pay fees to the base I work with and together with the money from the rest of my team, we create a budget that will allow us to travel through Southeast Asia together for three months as well as three weeks of debrief in Israel with the rest of the school.
There's this sense of urgency within this because outreach is coming up in 5 weeks and I need to have my fees paid by the end of next week so that we can buy our plane tickets. If we don't have the money, we can't by the tickets, which means we can't go on outreach.
So... I'm asking that you would consider supporting me in this. Whether it's $25 or $1000, every bit helps and every bit takes me one step closer to making this a reality.
If you want to support me or want more information about it, please write me and let me know you're thinking about it so that I can pass that info on to my leaders.
While I know that the economy is absolutely crazy right now and there's so much uncertainty about the future, I still want to ask you guys to pray about supporting me financially. I'm praying in faith that God will provide a way for me to go on outreach so I ask you to consider joining in on what I'm doing. If you have any questions, feel free to ask!
SO, KIM... WHAT'S NEXT?
After going through Southeast Asia, we'll be meeting up with the other teams in Israel for a two week debrief and graduate our students on August 13th. We'll then have staff debrief for a week and the school will be over! From there, I'll be spending some time in Israel before beginning my journey back to the states as well as visiting a few friends along the way. I'm hoping to get connected with a base in Amsterdam to do some work with prostitute ministries up there. God has really been laying human trafficking on my heart hardcore so I'm hoping to get some time working with that sort of thing for a month or two before heading home.
The plan is to be heading back to the states around mid October for a few months before coming back to New Zealand to finish off the leadership course that I'm in and from there... the world is my oyster. This is all subject to change but for now, that's the plan I've laid out.
THE FINAL WORD:
I am super stoked to be leading this team with Kieren and I still can't believe what a stellar group of students we have. It is such an incredible privilege and responsibility to lead this team and I can't wait to see what God does in and through our team as we share life and journey together the next few months across the globe.
Hopefully this gives you guys a better, less scattered, more solid idea of what I'm doing.
Love you all.
-kim
If you want to support me or my team (or send nature valley bars...), you can send checks with a note for me to:
YWAM Oxford
PO Box 47
Oxford, North Canterbury
New Zealand
Or go to: http://www.ywamoxford.org/pay-online/
(all donations done online are in New Zealand Dollars.)
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Life updates are hard to come by when you have a lot going on. Today was our first free day in three weeks and I slept in until 11am because I was so stinking tired. It's good. It's about to get really crazy around here...
I've been back on base for about a month now, staff training for three weeks (i LOVE my staff team), and am coming into the last week of training before our students arrive on THURSDAY. (a little reminder: I'm staffing a Discipleship Training School called "Around the World in 80 Days" with Youth With a Mission Oxford [ywamoxford.org])
We're all stoked about it and anxiously awaiting the great things that will happen during this school.
Please be praying for our students as they come that God would rock their world.
As I've been praying over this school, I've been getting the same thing over and over that God is going to do something NEW. My hope and prayer is that our students will come to know God in new ways and experience life fully like they've never known before.
On a more personal note, I've been getting this idea of NEW a lot for myself from my own reading, from teachings, and from other people which is really matching up with what I'm feeling in my heart. The last year I think can be summed up as God trying to show me that a. He's real, b. He loves me, c. He wants to set me free. I really feel like this year is the start of something new and me growing more and more into the person he's created me to be by fully recognizing his love for me and living out of that. Not so much being focused on me but how best to effectively live my life for others. Really moving from this kind of dry desert to the abundant life he wants to give us.
Last week I had this epiphany that it's absolutely ridiculous for me to even hold a shred of belief in my head that I'm not good enough for God to love. We were praying for our school and the vision that we have for it and someone wrote down something like, "be loved by God. That we would know how ridiculously much we are loved by God. We are loved by God. We are loved by God." and as I sat there thinking about it, someone else began reading a passage out of ephesians 3 which says: "And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."
So I'm sitting there and I'm faced with the thought, do I allow myself to fully accept God's love? how can I seriously go around preaching that Jesus came to bring abundant life if I don't fully accept God's love which is what allows me to know God and live out of that? I'm not sure if that makes sense at all but basically what I'm getting at is, the knowledge of the fullness of God's love for me has moved from my head to my heart. It's something I've been believing in and fighting for the last several months (the last year, even) and it clicked a few days ago. And when it did, it just stinking did, man.
It was like, "dude. God wants to love me just because. God wants to bless me just because. Not because I'm without or because I need it or whatever. It's just because that's who he is." jeremy always says, "we're blessed to be a blessing" and I think I've finally grasped what that means.
It's sweet, man. There's so much freedom in just allowing yourself to be loved by God. And in that, to be loved by others which really makes you feel comfortable to be yourself.
Every morning our staff team has worship together and I get filled with so much joy because I just stand there thanking God for my life and the people in it and all the things he's done and allowed me to do in my life and I'm constantly struck with how truly blessed I am. A lot of times I feel like a little kid because all these people pop in my head and I just crack up laughing at how ridiculous it is that I have so many stellar people in my life.
5 months ago, Jill gave me a verse out of psalm 121 and neither of us knew it at the time, but it would soon become my anthem:
I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.
Several times I've been given a verse out of this chapter and I just feel like it really sums up my life at the moment. I'm surrounded by mountains here and last weekend we were down at the lake and I looked up at the hills and immediately thought of this verse. In the midst of my freaking out about staffing and life, I had this weird peace that I didn't have to worry because God was going to be walking with me through this whole adventure.
My favorite is definitely the last bit that says, "the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore" because it's pretty much what I do. It's like, he's with us EVERYWHERE. No matter where I am on the earth, he's with me, he's my help, the stinking MAKER OF HEAVEN AND EARTH is my help WHEREVER I am.
How big is that.
DUDE. You guys. It's seriously my prayer that you'll fall more in love with Jesus. And if you haven't, that you would. I pray a lot for you guys back home and really, really pray that God would continue to work in your lives in BIG ways. Speak to you so clearly and overwhelm you with his love.
It's a good life, man. This whole walking with Jesus thing.
It's definitely worth living for.
I've been back on base for about a month now, staff training for three weeks (i LOVE my staff team), and am coming into the last week of training before our students arrive on THURSDAY. (a little reminder: I'm staffing a Discipleship Training School called "Around the World in 80 Days" with Youth With a Mission Oxford [ywamoxford.org])
We're all stoked about it and anxiously awaiting the great things that will happen during this school.
Please be praying for our students as they come that God would rock their world.
As I've been praying over this school, I've been getting the same thing over and over that God is going to do something NEW. My hope and prayer is that our students will come to know God in new ways and experience life fully like they've never known before.
On a more personal note, I've been getting this idea of NEW a lot for myself from my own reading, from teachings, and from other people which is really matching up with what I'm feeling in my heart. The last year I think can be summed up as God trying to show me that a. He's real, b. He loves me, c. He wants to set me free. I really feel like this year is the start of something new and me growing more and more into the person he's created me to be by fully recognizing his love for me and living out of that. Not so much being focused on me but how best to effectively live my life for others. Really moving from this kind of dry desert to the abundant life he wants to give us.
Last week I had this epiphany that it's absolutely ridiculous for me to even hold a shred of belief in my head that I'm not good enough for God to love. We were praying for our school and the vision that we have for it and someone wrote down something like, "be loved by God. That we would know how ridiculously much we are loved by God. We are loved by God. We are loved by God." and as I sat there thinking about it, someone else began reading a passage out of ephesians 3 which says: "And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."
So I'm sitting there and I'm faced with the thought, do I allow myself to fully accept God's love? how can I seriously go around preaching that Jesus came to bring abundant life if I don't fully accept God's love which is what allows me to know God and live out of that? I'm not sure if that makes sense at all but basically what I'm getting at is, the knowledge of the fullness of God's love for me has moved from my head to my heart. It's something I've been believing in and fighting for the last several months (the last year, even) and it clicked a few days ago. And when it did, it just stinking did, man.
It was like, "dude. God wants to love me just because. God wants to bless me just because. Not because I'm without or because I need it or whatever. It's just because that's who he is." jeremy always says, "we're blessed to be a blessing" and I think I've finally grasped what that means.
It's sweet, man. There's so much freedom in just allowing yourself to be loved by God. And in that, to be loved by others which really makes you feel comfortable to be yourself.
Every morning our staff team has worship together and I get filled with so much joy because I just stand there thanking God for my life and the people in it and all the things he's done and allowed me to do in my life and I'm constantly struck with how truly blessed I am. A lot of times I feel like a little kid because all these people pop in my head and I just crack up laughing at how ridiculous it is that I have so many stellar people in my life.
5 months ago, Jill gave me a verse out of psalm 121 and neither of us knew it at the time, but it would soon become my anthem:
I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.
Several times I've been given a verse out of this chapter and I just feel like it really sums up my life at the moment. I'm surrounded by mountains here and last weekend we were down at the lake and I looked up at the hills and immediately thought of this verse. In the midst of my freaking out about staffing and life, I had this weird peace that I didn't have to worry because God was going to be walking with me through this whole adventure.
My favorite is definitely the last bit that says, "the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore" because it's pretty much what I do. It's like, he's with us EVERYWHERE. No matter where I am on the earth, he's with me, he's my help, the stinking MAKER OF HEAVEN AND EARTH is my help WHEREVER I am.
How big is that.
DUDE. You guys. It's seriously my prayer that you'll fall more in love with Jesus. And if you haven't, that you would. I pray a lot for you guys back home and really, really pray that God would continue to work in your lives in BIG ways. Speak to you so clearly and overwhelm you with his love.
It's a good life, man. This whole walking with Jesus thing.
It's definitely worth living for.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
identity and dads and crappy mcdonald's coffee
hey guys. here's my update for january.
I got to spend nearly 5 (wonderful) weeks back in the states for Christmas holidays and now I'm headed back to New Zealand to staff the Around the World in 80 Days Discipleship Training School with YWAM Oxford. I'll explain more about that in a few weeks when things have started rolling but until then, here's a blog I wrote about what's been happening with me and what God's been speaking to me.
Identity and Dads and Crappy McDonald's Coffee
2008 was a most glorious year.
Sunday at church Brandon talked about something that has been really close to my heart for the last many, many years (see: http://outsidethewalls.wordpress.com/2009/01/19/but-i-am-a-princess/ for a better idea of what I'm talking about.) and hearing what he talked about Sunday reminded me of how incredible God has been over the last year (and continues to be everyday.)
For a good chunk of my life, I've sought acceptance/confirmation/approval from people because I never had it from my parents. I always had this feeling like nothing I did was ever good enough for them so I'd try to get approval from other people to make me feel like I mattered. For so, so long, I never had self confidence, I never knew who I was, I just put my value and my self esteem in the hands of others, fully expecting to find fulfillment and acceptance in them.
And you know what happened?
People failed to meet that expectation. And that sucked. Because it left me all the more disappointed, all the more broken, and feeling even more like I wasn't worth anything.
When you go into any friendship/relationship/whatever expecting the other person to meet whatever need you have missing, they're going to fail you. And you're going to put up walls and ruin many, many relationships because you feel like they've hurt you and you don't want them to get any closer so you push them away.
As I typed that, it sounded so ridiculous but that's seriously the way my brain used to function. As cheesy and cliche as it sounds, the ONLY thing that can fill the void is Jesus. The only thing that has allowed me to find where my worth is, is the grace of God.
Our identity lies in Christ!
When you become a Christian, the old is gone. The new has come. You are redefined. Being able to accept the love of Christ is revolutionary. For me it has changed the way I view myself, the way I view others, the way I think people view me and the way I view God. I see God as a father who loves his children, not as some big jerk in the sky out to get people.
For girls out there who are seeking after so many other things... trying to find fulfillment in boys or drugs or food or shopping or whatever else... you're running in circles. Those things DON'T fulfill.
The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing.
The sorrows for the appointed feasts
I will remove from you;
they are a burden and a reproach to you.
At that time I will deal
with all who oppressed you;
I will rescue the lame
and gather those who have been scattered.
I will give them praise and honor
in every land where they were put to shame.
At that time I will gather you;
at that time I will bring you home.
I will give you honor and praise
among all the peoples of the earth
when I restore your fortunes
before your very eyes,
says the LORD.
It is seriously my heart for you guys to know how much you're loved.
And no one will ever fill the deep longing we have to be wanted/loved except Jesus.
God takes great delight in you. He loves you. He wants what's best for you.
Really.
And I know that's a hard thing to believe when you've dealt with crap. It's hard to see past the lies spoken into your life. It's hard not to blame God for how your life has gone. But keep seeking him.
Christians, not Christians - people are going to fail us - especially when we hold them to idealistic standards that they were never meant to be held to. But when we live with our identity in the one who came to save us and live out his love in our lives, we're walking in the power and authority that only comes from him and have confidence in who we are. We'll get tripped up. We'll get knocked down. But we have to keep running with our eyes focused so intently on Jesus because if we don't, we're bound to fail time and again.
He HAS to be the center. He has to be the goal we strive for. Knowing him and walking in his way results in living our lives a little closer to the way he intended and that allows us to use our story to walk with others through life. Encouraging each other. Sharing the message of hope and salvation with those who don't know it. Loving the hell out of people.
And I know that sounds super churchy and super unattainable if you're not already in that sort of place. Or if you're bitter with God. Or whatever else. But coming from someone that doesn't b-s, I promise you it's truth.
Search it out. Ask God to show you his love. Fight for it. God will meet you where you're at. He'll never fail. Never ever ever.
No matter how many times your dad might fail you or your boyfriend or husband or whoever else, God never will.
There's so much freedom in letting go and trusting that God is who he says he is. It's baby steps for some people and a big giant freakin' leap for others. But either way, I urge you to seek after God and his heart. And remember it's not just about you. But about what you can do for others.
I'll be the first to admit that I still struggle with trying to get approval from people. A lot. But I find myself less and less worried about it because I'm finally becoming confident in who God has made me to be.
When I think back to 2008, I think what I'll remember more than all the crazy/ridiculous/fun stuff is that God showed up in my life in ways bigger than I ever imagined.
I saw a lot of things, I laughed SO much, and I folded more enchiladas in one day than I ever want to fold for the rest of my life combined. I've rapped in a Mongolian high school and have had to produce more identification - in addition to my passport - more times when going through immigration than probably anyone else in the history of passports. I've met some freaking incredible people, almost been hit with bags of trash falling from the sky, ate duck tongue and throat, and sipped coffee with some of the greatest people to ever exist. I developed a love for sleeping in airports... and really just sleeping anywhere, did the home alone run in Los Angeles trying to catch a flight, saw the biggest anonymous turd to ever appear in a toilet, and got some sweet converse all stars for free.
I kicked off 2009 with a week long road trip out west visiting several friends from my DTS. We hit up a hockey game, went snow shoeing, laughed so freaking much, got lost in Seattle, built several snowmen, laughed some more, ate moose, got stuck in Seattle because of flooding, rode a pony (not really.), got a canadian stamp in our passports, and got the WORST coffee of my life at McDonald's' new McCafe. I had chipotle, chili, coffee, birthday cake, and popcorn (all at different times of course) with some of my favorite people on earth when I got back to Indiana and now I'm sitting in LAX on hour 7 of my 9 hour layover in Los Angeles waiting to fly to New Zealand.
Over the last year, I've encountered God in a whole new way, forgiven people I never thought possible, found inexplicable joy, and moreover, been humbled time and time again by God and his work in my life and in those around me (and around the world). I'm so, so thankful for what I've been able to do, am anticipating what's to come, and am freaking excited about what this year will hold.
I've got a lot of ideas about what I'd like it to be and with any luck, it'll include a Coldplay concert somewhere along the line...
check this link out for pics from my west coast road trip:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2008854&l=a802b&id=142700459
I got to spend nearly 5 (wonderful) weeks back in the states for Christmas holidays and now I'm headed back to New Zealand to staff the Around the World in 80 Days Discipleship Training School with YWAM Oxford. I'll explain more about that in a few weeks when things have started rolling but until then, here's a blog I wrote about what's been happening with me and what God's been speaking to me.
Identity and Dads and Crappy McDonald's Coffee
2008 was a most glorious year.
Sunday at church Brandon talked about something that has been really close to my heart for the last many, many years (see: http://outsidethewalls.wordpress.com/2009/01/19/but-i-am-a-princess/ for a better idea of what I'm talking about.) and hearing what he talked about Sunday reminded me of how incredible God has been over the last year (and continues to be everyday.)
For a good chunk of my life, I've sought acceptance/confirmation/approval from people because I never had it from my parents. I always had this feeling like nothing I did was ever good enough for them so I'd try to get approval from other people to make me feel like I mattered. For so, so long, I never had self confidence, I never knew who I was, I just put my value and my self esteem in the hands of others, fully expecting to find fulfillment and acceptance in them.
And you know what happened?
People failed to meet that expectation. And that sucked. Because it left me all the more disappointed, all the more broken, and feeling even more like I wasn't worth anything.
When you go into any friendship/relationship/whatever expecting the other person to meet whatever need you have missing, they're going to fail you. And you're going to put up walls and ruin many, many relationships because you feel like they've hurt you and you don't want them to get any closer so you push them away.
As I typed that, it sounded so ridiculous but that's seriously the way my brain used to function. As cheesy and cliche as it sounds, the ONLY thing that can fill the void is Jesus. The only thing that has allowed me to find where my worth is, is the grace of God.
Our identity lies in Christ!
When you become a Christian, the old is gone. The new has come. You are redefined. Being able to accept the love of Christ is revolutionary. For me it has changed the way I view myself, the way I view others, the way I think people view me and the way I view God. I see God as a father who loves his children, not as some big jerk in the sky out to get people.
For girls out there who are seeking after so many other things... trying to find fulfillment in boys or drugs or food or shopping or whatever else... you're running in circles. Those things DON'T fulfill.
The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing.
The sorrows for the appointed feasts
I will remove from you;
they are a burden and a reproach to you.
At that time I will deal
with all who oppressed you;
I will rescue the lame
and gather those who have been scattered.
I will give them praise and honor
in every land where they were put to shame.
At that time I will gather you;
at that time I will bring you home.
I will give you honor and praise
among all the peoples of the earth
when I restore your fortunes
before your very eyes,
says the LORD.
It is seriously my heart for you guys to know how much you're loved.
And no one will ever fill the deep longing we have to be wanted/loved except Jesus.
God takes great delight in you. He loves you. He wants what's best for you.
Really.
And I know that's a hard thing to believe when you've dealt with crap. It's hard to see past the lies spoken into your life. It's hard not to blame God for how your life has gone. But keep seeking him.
Christians, not Christians - people are going to fail us - especially when we hold them to idealistic standards that they were never meant to be held to. But when we live with our identity in the one who came to save us and live out his love in our lives, we're walking in the power and authority that only comes from him and have confidence in who we are. We'll get tripped up. We'll get knocked down. But we have to keep running with our eyes focused so intently on Jesus because if we don't, we're bound to fail time and again.
He HAS to be the center. He has to be the goal we strive for. Knowing him and walking in his way results in living our lives a little closer to the way he intended and that allows us to use our story to walk with others through life. Encouraging each other. Sharing the message of hope and salvation with those who don't know it. Loving the hell out of people.
And I know that sounds super churchy and super unattainable if you're not already in that sort of place. Or if you're bitter with God. Or whatever else. But coming from someone that doesn't b-s, I promise you it's truth.
Search it out. Ask God to show you his love. Fight for it. God will meet you where you're at. He'll never fail. Never ever ever.
No matter how many times your dad might fail you or your boyfriend or husband or whoever else, God never will.
There's so much freedom in letting go and trusting that God is who he says he is. It's baby steps for some people and a big giant freakin' leap for others. But either way, I urge you to seek after God and his heart. And remember it's not just about you. But about what you can do for others.
I'll be the first to admit that I still struggle with trying to get approval from people. A lot. But I find myself less and less worried about it because I'm finally becoming confident in who God has made me to be.
When I think back to 2008, I think what I'll remember more than all the crazy/ridiculous/fun stuff is that God showed up in my life in ways bigger than I ever imagined.
I saw a lot of things, I laughed SO much, and I folded more enchiladas in one day than I ever want to fold for the rest of my life combined. I've rapped in a Mongolian high school and have had to produce more identification - in addition to my passport - more times when going through immigration than probably anyone else in the history of passports. I've met some freaking incredible people, almost been hit with bags of trash falling from the sky, ate duck tongue and throat, and sipped coffee with some of the greatest people to ever exist. I developed a love for sleeping in airports... and really just sleeping anywhere, did the home alone run in Los Angeles trying to catch a flight, saw the biggest anonymous turd to ever appear in a toilet, and got some sweet converse all stars for free.
I kicked off 2009 with a week long road trip out west visiting several friends from my DTS. We hit up a hockey game, went snow shoeing, laughed so freaking much, got lost in Seattle, built several snowmen, laughed some more, ate moose, got stuck in Seattle because of flooding, rode a pony (not really.), got a canadian stamp in our passports, and got the WORST coffee of my life at McDonald's' new McCafe. I had chipotle, chili, coffee, birthday cake, and popcorn (all at different times of course) with some of my favorite people on earth when I got back to Indiana and now I'm sitting in LAX on hour 7 of my 9 hour layover in Los Angeles waiting to fly to New Zealand.
Over the last year, I've encountered God in a whole new way, forgiven people I never thought possible, found inexplicable joy, and moreover, been humbled time and time again by God and his work in my life and in those around me (and around the world). I'm so, so thankful for what I've been able to do, am anticipating what's to come, and am freaking excited about what this year will hold.
I've got a lot of ideas about what I'd like it to be and with any luck, it'll include a Coldplay concert somewhere along the line...
check this link out for pics from my west coast road trip:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2008854&l=a802b&id=142700459
Saturday, December 27, 2008
i'm trying to sell my car so i can go back to nz and not have to wig out about money.
if you want to buy a 2004 honda element with 96000-97000 miles on it for $6000, let me know. there's some damage up on the front right and the windshield is cracked (which is a manufacturers defect... jerks.) but that's factored in and i'm basically giving my car away.
if you don't want to buy a car but want to support me as i go back to nz, you can mail me a check (made out to YWAM Oxford) at:
kim golden
po box 47
oxford, north canterbury
7443
new zealand
or http://www.ywamoxford.org/pay-online/donation.php
all the money is done in new zealand dollars so if you're looking for a conversion go to www.xe.com and it'll convert US dollars to New Zealand dollars.
When I get back to New Zealand, I'll have a week to bum around before starting staff training for the upcoming Around the World in 80 Days Discipleship Training School. (It's the school I did in early 2008 and now I'm staffing it.) For three months we'll be in New Zealand doing lectures and then I'll be leading an outreach team somewhere in the world.
To cover my staff fees and outreach fees, it's going to be approximately $5000 (Lord willing the exchange rate continues to stay in my favour.) so if you're interested in contributing to that at all, it would be so, so appreciated.
If you guys have any questions about what I'm doing, feel free to contact me at kimgolden@gmail.com, call me at +13173135757 (US phone) or +64273091190 (NZ phone) and I'd love to tell you what's going on.
Hope you've all had a good Christmas.
2008 has been one of the most incredible years of my life and will definitely go down as being one of the best. Thanks for helping make that happen. much love.
if you want to buy a 2004 honda element with 96000-97000 miles on it for $6000, let me know. there's some damage up on the front right and the windshield is cracked (which is a manufacturers defect... jerks.) but that's factored in and i'm basically giving my car away.
if you don't want to buy a car but want to support me as i go back to nz, you can mail me a check (made out to YWAM Oxford) at:
kim golden
po box 47
oxford, north canterbury
7443
new zealand
or http://www.ywamoxford.org/pay-online/donation.php
all the money is done in new zealand dollars so if you're looking for a conversion go to www.xe.com and it'll convert US dollars to New Zealand dollars.
When I get back to New Zealand, I'll have a week to bum around before starting staff training for the upcoming Around the World in 80 Days Discipleship Training School. (It's the school I did in early 2008 and now I'm staffing it.) For three months we'll be in New Zealand doing lectures and then I'll be leading an outreach team somewhere in the world.
To cover my staff fees and outreach fees, it's going to be approximately $5000 (Lord willing the exchange rate continues to stay in my favour.) so if you're interested in contributing to that at all, it would be so, so appreciated.
If you guys have any questions about what I'm doing, feel free to contact me at kimgolden@gmail.com, call me at +13173135757 (US phone) or +64273091190 (NZ phone) and I'd love to tell you what's going on.
Hope you've all had a good Christmas.
2008 has been one of the most incredible years of my life and will definitely go down as being one of the best. Thanks for helping make that happen. much love.
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
Every time I think I have things figured out, God kicks my butt. Every time I think I've started to get a grasp of what being a good leader is about, I'm challenged with a new situation/person. Every time I think, wow I'm really experiencing God, I'm challenged with some situation that makes me seek out a different aspect of who he is.
I feel like I've been learning a lot the last few weeks. Learning how to deal with difficult situations. Learning how to be a better support to friends. Learning what it means to live by faith. Learning more about the character of God. Learning how to make tough decisions. Learning what it's like to have to completely rely on God.
I've prayed more in the last three weeks than probably ever. Like they always say, there's nothing like a tragedy/tough situation to get you on your knees, right? I don't think I've ever cried out to God in such a way where I actually felt like he was hearing the words I was saying like I have recently. Over the last few weeks I've truly realized that the faith I thought I had is definitely without a doubt REAL. It's not some fleeting thing that I experienced a while ago, it's real. (One of my fears after my DTS was that I'd hit some tough stuff and everything would dissipate.)
I wrote to someone the other day that I've never experienced such a peace in my life as I have over the last few weeks. And in the midst of some pretty crazy situations (that have honestly left me feeling pretty drained) I can without a doubt sit here and write to you to say that God is in control and that I have never trusted in God more in my life.
Walking through the hard stuff challenges you to grow. You basically have two options, I think. You can let things get you down and destroy you or you can get on your face and trust that God is going to walk you through it and go out in the power that can only come from him.
I say all this with the complete understanding that some people are thinking, "whoa superchristian kim!" and that's alright because I've reached this point where I'm not going to apologize because I know that I know that I know that this is real. It's what I've experienced. It's what I believe. And I know it's true. My God, our God, ... he is mighty to save and he walks through the valleys of the shadow of death with us and has it all under control and he has conquered the grave and he is so, so faithful. He'll never leave us. He'll never forsake us. And when the crap hits the fan and we wonder how we're going to deal, he's still there walking with us.
We can hang on to stuff and worry and think about all the what if's but like I was reminded of last night, we CANNOT be hanging on to those things. We HAVE to lay them down at the cross and keep walking in the strength God gives us or else it'll freaking destroy us. Challenges come and tragedies come and life can get hard but we ALWAYS have to keep our eyes focused on Jesus in the easy stuff and in the hard stuff cause he's the only one big enough to walk through those situations.
One of my favorite stories in the bible is in Exodus when God leads the people out of Egypt. They're all freaking out and complaining and are worried that the Egyptians are going to kill them and God basically says, Shut up. I'm in control. I'm fighting for you. And then he rocks their world by leading them across Red Sea on dry ground and smashing up all the Egyptians.
God is in control.
He's fighting for us.
There's also the story of how God was a pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night when they were walking in the desert. (If you've never worked in a middle eastern desert for several weeks, cloud cover is like getting a pony for Christmas. And warmth at night is like hot cocoa after sledding.) He gave them exactly what they needed. When they were hungry, he gave them manna from heaven. When they were in exile, he brought them out. Again. When they needed redemption, he sent his son. He's always providing. Always has. Always will. Cause he's constant.
People and jobs and money will fail but God never will. In the good and the bad he's always there. When you have doubts, he's there. When you're spent, he's there. When you're on top of the world, he's there.
Keep trusting. He'll never leave you. Never forsake you. And will always love you.
much love.
-kim
I feel like I've been learning a lot the last few weeks. Learning how to deal with difficult situations. Learning how to be a better support to friends. Learning what it means to live by faith. Learning more about the character of God. Learning how to make tough decisions. Learning what it's like to have to completely rely on God.
I've prayed more in the last three weeks than probably ever. Like they always say, there's nothing like a tragedy/tough situation to get you on your knees, right? I don't think I've ever cried out to God in such a way where I actually felt like he was hearing the words I was saying like I have recently. Over the last few weeks I've truly realized that the faith I thought I had is definitely without a doubt REAL. It's not some fleeting thing that I experienced a while ago, it's real. (One of my fears after my DTS was that I'd hit some tough stuff and everything would dissipate.)
I wrote to someone the other day that I've never experienced such a peace in my life as I have over the last few weeks. And in the midst of some pretty crazy situations (that have honestly left me feeling pretty drained) I can without a doubt sit here and write to you to say that God is in control and that I have never trusted in God more in my life.
Walking through the hard stuff challenges you to grow. You basically have two options, I think. You can let things get you down and destroy you or you can get on your face and trust that God is going to walk you through it and go out in the power that can only come from him.
I say all this with the complete understanding that some people are thinking, "whoa superchristian kim!" and that's alright because I've reached this point where I'm not going to apologize because I know that I know that I know that this is real. It's what I've experienced. It's what I believe. And I know it's true. My God, our God, ... he is mighty to save and he walks through the valleys of the shadow of death with us and has it all under control and he has conquered the grave and he is so, so faithful. He'll never leave us. He'll never forsake us. And when the crap hits the fan and we wonder how we're going to deal, he's still there walking with us.
We can hang on to stuff and worry and think about all the what if's but like I was reminded of last night, we CANNOT be hanging on to those things. We HAVE to lay them down at the cross and keep walking in the strength God gives us or else it'll freaking destroy us. Challenges come and tragedies come and life can get hard but we ALWAYS have to keep our eyes focused on Jesus in the easy stuff and in the hard stuff cause he's the only one big enough to walk through those situations.
One of my favorite stories in the bible is in Exodus when God leads the people out of Egypt. They're all freaking out and complaining and are worried that the Egyptians are going to kill them and God basically says, Shut up. I'm in control. I'm fighting for you. And then he rocks their world by leading them across Red Sea on dry ground and smashing up all the Egyptians.
God is in control.
He's fighting for us.
There's also the story of how God was a pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night when they were walking in the desert. (If you've never worked in a middle eastern desert for several weeks, cloud cover is like getting a pony for Christmas. And warmth at night is like hot cocoa after sledding.) He gave them exactly what they needed. When they were hungry, he gave them manna from heaven. When they were in exile, he brought them out. Again. When they needed redemption, he sent his son. He's always providing. Always has. Always will. Cause he's constant.
People and jobs and money will fail but God never will. In the good and the bad he's always there. When you have doubts, he's there. When you're spent, he's there. When you're on top of the world, he's there.
Keep trusting. He'll never leave you. Never forsake you. And will always love you.
much love.
-kim
Saturday, November 08, 2008
Time goes by so incredibly fast.
So, so fast.
This weekend I went camping with the students from the school that is currently here out in a valley that took fording a few river-like-water-pool-things and driving down crazy terrain to get to. (Driving on that road seriously made my entire year. I forded a couple rivers in a van!) We spent the weekend trekking, building a dam, having stick races down the creek, playing cards, getting eaten alive by sandflies, and sitting around a campfire roasting sausages, mashmallows, and bread, and enjoying life together.
Which takes me back to time going by incredibly fast.
Five years ago I never would have imagined I'd be where I am today.
Three years ago... never would have imagined.
A year ago... never would have imagined.
Five years ago, three years ago, a year ago... I felt trapped. Like I was just running aimlessly with no direction, no future, no hope. And it seems like so long ago but at the same time it feels like it was a few weeks ago and something radical has since happened in my life.
And this weekend as I was hiking up this mountain through the bush - crawling under thorn bushes and over fallen trees with roots taller than me, I was reminded (again) of how much God has shaken up my world over the last ten months. And how ridiculous it is that I'm living on the other side of the world running a kitchen with more contentment than I've ever had in my life.
The last time I wrote I think I might have mentioned it but I'll say it again. Being here, doing this kitchen thing, living an ordinary life - it's really taught me how to be content. How to have peace. How to be a leader. How to make chicken enchiladas. (Yeah Dianna - I've become a cooking machine.)
I remember spending so long telling myself how I would never be anything and I'd never accomplish anything and that I was never good enough and all of that is such crap! Through Christ, we've all been given new identity to walk like him, talk like him, live like him. The old is GONE. We've been given new life so that we can help others find that new life. We're Christ's ambassadors! What higher calling is there?
I was sitting by a creek getting eaten alive by sandflies reading a book that has managed to articulate part of my heart and why I want to do the things I want to do in life. It's kind of churned up a slight passion in me so in the midst of my update I (again) want to share with you guys my heart and the vision I have that has been getting more and more formed since I came back.
About five weeks ago I started asking God to give me direction and vision about what my life should look like and where I should be headed. And I think I'm near the point in my life where I can say to God, "Here I am Lord. Send me." which is a scary thing to pray but the more I hear stories about injustice in the world, the more I want to GO.
This book I was reading said the following:
"It's as if God is saying, 'The thing that has happened to you - go make it happen for others. The freedom from oppression that you are now experiencing - help others experience that same freedom. The grace that has been extended to you when you were at your lowest - extend it to others. In the same way that I heard your cry, go and hear the cry of others and act on their behalf.'"
Which is truly, honestly, where my heart is at.
I know what it's like to be at the lowest and people helped me out of it.
I know what it's like to feel trapped and be set free from it.
I know what it's like to cry out and have someone hear it - and not just hear it but ACT on my behalf.
I've been shown so much love. So much grace.
And it's changed who I am.
And I want to pass it on to others.
We've been brought out of exile. God has given us his favor and has brought us into a relationship with him. So will we forget where we've come from and become complacent? Or will we remember what it's like to be in the gutters and have people walk by who don't care and finally find someone (or someones) who has compassion on us and surrounds us with the love of Christ and walks beside us out of our wilderness into new life?
I know this sounds completely crazy. Like I'm some "idealistic young person with no idea what the real world is like" but I've walked in places where people have nothing - no money, no food, no hope. And I can't stay the same. I can't leave it alone.
And for a while when I was home, I wasn't sure if that was really where my heart was. If it was real and possible or if it was just some crazy idea that I've had. But since I've been back, it's been confirmed time and again that I'm called to go. To extend the grace to others that has been extended to me.
People came in my life and loved the hell out of me. It changed me. Big. (all through Christ obviously.) And now I can't imagine doing anything else with my life but doing that same thing for others.
Not in a pity sort of way, like oh poor soul, let me love you because I have so much and you don't.
But in a, "I've been there and remember what it's like. Let me walk beside you." kind of way.
Some of you guys, I think, know my dream is to start an orphanage. Which sounds crazy. And sounds like a big out of reach kind of dream like being a doctor or lawyer or an astronaut.
But I remember what it was like to finally know that someone believe in me - that I could be someone - that God could use me. It shook me up. It made me really start thinking, maybe I am good enough for God to love. And I haven't been the same since.
Someone(s) giving me a chance at making it has changed me. And I want to give a chance at making it to others. To give love and hope and stability and safety and an education.
I think I'm trying to make this sound too fluffy, so at its rawest: I want to just take Jesus to people... to kids. To give them a shot at making it. To come along beside them and try to spare them years of junk and bring them up knowing that they're loved and valued and worth so, so much. The love of Christ revolutionizes lives. And think I'm nearing the point that I'm willing to go wherever I'm called.
On a more present note, staffing a DTS and whatnot is really where I think I'm supposed to be at the moment, so I don't mean to sound like, "I wish I was doing other things." I really just want you guys to see my heart and see my passion and know where I'm at right now cause I think it's important. I feel like what I'm doing now is preparing me for what I really want to be doing in the future so I'm content to be here and learn and grow and experience God in the weirdest ways.
On a more present note, life here is quite good. It's been a sweet month getting to know the students that are here right now and laughing a ridiculous amount. Being a leader is ... interesting. I'm learning how to say no and enforce rules and confront people. It's hard, man. It's really hard. But it's good. I've never been stretched this much in my life.
This week we're having a big meal called the Love Feast and since I'm going to be gone over Thanksgiving, it's going to be an American Thanksgiving meal. I've never made a turkey before so it could be quite the adventure but I'm looking forward the challenge this week of making turkey, ham, mashed potatoes, stuffing, green bean casserole, gravy, rolls, and pumpkin pie. (GBA.) It's going to be a whole lot of obnoxious American culture stuffed into one meal. Super stoked.
here's a link to some pictures: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2007824&l=e1286&id=142700459
and here's some pictures of the traveling bunny which show a little more about what i've been doing and not just my stupidity:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2007903&l=8f615&id=142700459 (latest album)
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2007698&l=cbded&id=142700459 (older album but with updated pictures since i last sent the link)
also... please check this out. it displays how extremely classy i can be: http://photos-c.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-snc1/v373/222/121/23502342/n23502342_31917866_6789.jpg
hahah
Write me about your lives sometime? It's hard to keep up with everyone but I do want to know what's up in everyones lives.
Much love to you all.
-kim
if you want to support me:
This is the website if you want to send money via the web (it goes in as New Zealand dollars, not American): http://www.ywamoxford.org/pay-online/
Or you can mail it to the address below made out to YWAM Oxford.
Or you can drop money in my account at 5/3 bank.
email me: kimgolden@gmail.com
skype me: kimberlygolden
write me: po box 47, oxford, north canterbury, 7443, NZ
call me: +64 027 309 1190
So, so fast.
This weekend I went camping with the students from the school that is currently here out in a valley that took fording a few river-like-water-pool-things and driving down crazy terrain to get to. (Driving on that road seriously made my entire year. I forded a couple rivers in a van!) We spent the weekend trekking, building a dam, having stick races down the creek, playing cards, getting eaten alive by sandflies, and sitting around a campfire roasting sausages, mashmallows, and bread, and enjoying life together.
Which takes me back to time going by incredibly fast.
Five years ago I never would have imagined I'd be where I am today.
Three years ago... never would have imagined.
A year ago... never would have imagined.
Five years ago, three years ago, a year ago... I felt trapped. Like I was just running aimlessly with no direction, no future, no hope. And it seems like so long ago but at the same time it feels like it was a few weeks ago and something radical has since happened in my life.
And this weekend as I was hiking up this mountain through the bush - crawling under thorn bushes and over fallen trees with roots taller than me, I was reminded (again) of how much God has shaken up my world over the last ten months. And how ridiculous it is that I'm living on the other side of the world running a kitchen with more contentment than I've ever had in my life.
The last time I wrote I think I might have mentioned it but I'll say it again. Being here, doing this kitchen thing, living an ordinary life - it's really taught me how to be content. How to have peace. How to be a leader. How to make chicken enchiladas. (Yeah Dianna - I've become a cooking machine.)
I remember spending so long telling myself how I would never be anything and I'd never accomplish anything and that I was never good enough and all of that is such crap! Through Christ, we've all been given new identity to walk like him, talk like him, live like him. The old is GONE. We've been given new life so that we can help others find that new life. We're Christ's ambassadors! What higher calling is there?
I was sitting by a creek getting eaten alive by sandflies reading a book that has managed to articulate part of my heart and why I want to do the things I want to do in life. It's kind of churned up a slight passion in me so in the midst of my update I (again) want to share with you guys my heart and the vision I have that has been getting more and more formed since I came back.
About five weeks ago I started asking God to give me direction and vision about what my life should look like and where I should be headed. And I think I'm near the point in my life where I can say to God, "Here I am Lord. Send me." which is a scary thing to pray but the more I hear stories about injustice in the world, the more I want to GO.
This book I was reading said the following:
"It's as if God is saying, 'The thing that has happened to you - go make it happen for others. The freedom from oppression that you are now experiencing - help others experience that same freedom. The grace that has been extended to you when you were at your lowest - extend it to others. In the same way that I heard your cry, go and hear the cry of others and act on their behalf.'"
Which is truly, honestly, where my heart is at.
I know what it's like to be at the lowest and people helped me out of it.
I know what it's like to feel trapped and be set free from it.
I know what it's like to cry out and have someone hear it - and not just hear it but ACT on my behalf.
I've been shown so much love. So much grace.
And it's changed who I am.
And I want to pass it on to others.
We've been brought out of exile. God has given us his favor and has brought us into a relationship with him. So will we forget where we've come from and become complacent? Or will we remember what it's like to be in the gutters and have people walk by who don't care and finally find someone (or someones) who has compassion on us and surrounds us with the love of Christ and walks beside us out of our wilderness into new life?
I know this sounds completely crazy. Like I'm some "idealistic young person with no idea what the real world is like" but I've walked in places where people have nothing - no money, no food, no hope. And I can't stay the same. I can't leave it alone.
And for a while when I was home, I wasn't sure if that was really where my heart was. If it was real and possible or if it was just some crazy idea that I've had. But since I've been back, it's been confirmed time and again that I'm called to go. To extend the grace to others that has been extended to me.
People came in my life and loved the hell out of me. It changed me. Big. (all through Christ obviously.) And now I can't imagine doing anything else with my life but doing that same thing for others.
Not in a pity sort of way, like oh poor soul, let me love you because I have so much and you don't.
But in a, "I've been there and remember what it's like. Let me walk beside you." kind of way.
Some of you guys, I think, know my dream is to start an orphanage. Which sounds crazy. And sounds like a big out of reach kind of dream like being a doctor or lawyer or an astronaut.
But I remember what it was like to finally know that someone believe in me - that I could be someone - that God could use me. It shook me up. It made me really start thinking, maybe I am good enough for God to love. And I haven't been the same since.
Someone(s) giving me a chance at making it has changed me. And I want to give a chance at making it to others. To give love and hope and stability and safety and an education.
I think I'm trying to make this sound too fluffy, so at its rawest: I want to just take Jesus to people... to kids. To give them a shot at making it. To come along beside them and try to spare them years of junk and bring them up knowing that they're loved and valued and worth so, so much. The love of Christ revolutionizes lives. And think I'm nearing the point that I'm willing to go wherever I'm called.
On a more present note, staffing a DTS and whatnot is really where I think I'm supposed to be at the moment, so I don't mean to sound like, "I wish I was doing other things." I really just want you guys to see my heart and see my passion and know where I'm at right now cause I think it's important. I feel like what I'm doing now is preparing me for what I really want to be doing in the future so I'm content to be here and learn and grow and experience God in the weirdest ways.
On a more present note, life here is quite good. It's been a sweet month getting to know the students that are here right now and laughing a ridiculous amount. Being a leader is ... interesting. I'm learning how to say no and enforce rules and confront people. It's hard, man. It's really hard. But it's good. I've never been stretched this much in my life.
This week we're having a big meal called the Love Feast and since I'm going to be gone over Thanksgiving, it's going to be an American Thanksgiving meal. I've never made a turkey before so it could be quite the adventure but I'm looking forward the challenge this week of making turkey, ham, mashed potatoes, stuffing, green bean casserole, gravy, rolls, and pumpkin pie. (GBA.) It's going to be a whole lot of obnoxious American culture stuffed into one meal. Super stoked.
here's a link to some pictures: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2007824&l=e1286&id=142700459
and here's some pictures of the traveling bunny which show a little more about what i've been doing and not just my stupidity:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2007903&l=8f615&id=142700459 (latest album)
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2007698&l=cbded&id=142700459 (older album but with updated pictures since i last sent the link)
also... please check this out. it displays how extremely classy i can be: http://photos-c.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-snc1/v373/222/121/23502342/n23502342_31917866_6789.jpg
hahah
Write me about your lives sometime? It's hard to keep up with everyone but I do want to know what's up in everyones lives.
Much love to you all.
-kim
if you want to support me:
This is the website if you want to send money via the web (it goes in as New Zealand dollars, not American): http://www.ywamoxford.org/pay-online/
Or you can mail it to the address below made out to YWAM Oxford.
Or you can drop money in my account at 5/3 bank.
email me: kimgolden@gmail.com
skype me: kimberlygolden
write me: po box 47, oxford, north canterbury, 7443, NZ
call me: +64 027 309 1190
Friday, October 10, 2008
At the risk of sounding like an old woman, I'm going to attempt to share with you guys where I'm at right now and just a little bit of my heart.
This week I turned the big 21, which isn't old, I know. But I've spent a lot of time thinking about life lately and what I want to do with my life and the person I want to be so it is kind of this bizarre milestone of sorts for me.
This week, the unfortunately-now-cliche Switchfoot song was on and as Jon Foreman was belting out "This is your life, are you who you wanna be?" I really had to stop and think, am I? At this moment in time, I'm not doing what I dream of doing. But I'm starting to find joy in where I'm at. It's stressful running the kitchen - being responsible for feeding 40+ people. But it's seriously been so much fun. And I think what I'm learning from being in there is that I can't always decide where I'm at in life or the things that I'm doing in life and that things can change in an instant but I can always glorify God in my actions and make the best of the situations that I'm in.
I'm trying to learn how to live abundantly in such a bizarre/random life situation where I'm doing nothing spectacular but living a very simple, not glorious life. And it's such a crazy journey. I see the influence my attitude and my behavior have on others and it is pushing me to live to a higher standard. To live like Christ. To put on the mind of Christ. To not be one person around my friends and another around the students but to live consistently.
This is the first year I've really started to understand what it means to live.
To have purpose.
To have meaning in my life.
To have passion and joy and really have LIFE inside of me.
So many people are so flipping broken and have no one and nothing to turn to. And I don't want that. I've been there and experienced that and I want so much more out of life than that.
I don't want to just exist.
I want to live.
I want to shine the light of Christ inside me. To really, truly be the light on the hill. And to take the hope of Christ to people around me. To say to people, life is more than just living. More than just getting by. You have something to live for.
Seriously. It sounds so cheese ball. But I've wasted 20 years of life - precious freaking life - and now I've tasted what it's like to be on the other side and I never want to go back. And I don't want to stay where I'm at.
I want to run so freaking hard away from all this dead crap and come into a life of fullness - of living in tune with God. Of showing people who Jesus is and what it really means to be a Christian and not to just get by day to day but to really truly live. And I'm not sure what that looks like in the big picture but I think I'm starting to get a small glimpse of what it is like.
Seriously though, you have to ask yourself what you're living for. Do you have a purpose? What's the point of living if we've nothing to live for? We've all got different journeys in this life. We're not all meant to take the same path and live the same life and all that. One of the most glorious things about the way God created us is that we're so unique. And so my path looks different than yours. And I don't mean that in a new age kind of we can all believe different things and still end up in heaven. I mean it like, my path right now is to be in New Zealand doing this whole DTS thing, while others are to be in India or Cambodia or China, while others are to be back in the states working in their jobs with their familes. Cause everywhere we are, we can be glorifying Christ through the way we live. It's like, the thing that unites us is the Cross and the difference that it has made in our lives. But even then, it's not just "doing life" but living. Making every day count.
Yeah, I learned a lot in lectures on my DTS. And I learned a bit sitting in church on Sundays. But what has seriously changed me is my relationships with other people. There are a few people in my life that I look up to and they have changed the way I look at God and life and the world. They LIVE. They live in such a way that they don't take things for granted. They love passionately, stand up for justice, and put on the mind of Christ. That's the kind of person I want to be.
To not just scrape by. But to truly live.
---------------------------
On a less serious note, on Wednesday, one of the students asked me what I wanted for my birthday and I said that I wanted a pony. So he and two of the other guys took bikes around the countryside asking farmers if they could borrow a pony for me for my birthday. haha... how awesome is that?
This week I turned the big 21, which isn't old, I know. But I've spent a lot of time thinking about life lately and what I want to do with my life and the person I want to be so it is kind of this bizarre milestone of sorts for me.
This week, the unfortunately-now-cliche Switchfoot song was on and as Jon Foreman was belting out "This is your life, are you who you wanna be?" I really had to stop and think, am I? At this moment in time, I'm not doing what I dream of doing. But I'm starting to find joy in where I'm at. It's stressful running the kitchen - being responsible for feeding 40+ people. But it's seriously been so much fun. And I think what I'm learning from being in there is that I can't always decide where I'm at in life or the things that I'm doing in life and that things can change in an instant but I can always glorify God in my actions and make the best of the situations that I'm in.
I'm trying to learn how to live abundantly in such a bizarre/random life situation where I'm doing nothing spectacular but living a very simple, not glorious life. And it's such a crazy journey. I see the influence my attitude and my behavior have on others and it is pushing me to live to a higher standard. To live like Christ. To put on the mind of Christ. To not be one person around my friends and another around the students but to live consistently.
This is the first year I've really started to understand what it means to live.
To have purpose.
To have meaning in my life.
To have passion and joy and really have LIFE inside of me.
So many people are so flipping broken and have no one and nothing to turn to. And I don't want that. I've been there and experienced that and I want so much more out of life than that.
I don't want to just exist.
I want to live.
I want to shine the light of Christ inside me. To really, truly be the light on the hill. And to take the hope of Christ to people around me. To say to people, life is more than just living. More than just getting by. You have something to live for.
Seriously. It sounds so cheese ball. But I've wasted 20 years of life - precious freaking life - and now I've tasted what it's like to be on the other side and I never want to go back. And I don't want to stay where I'm at.
I want to run so freaking hard away from all this dead crap and come into a life of fullness - of living in tune with God. Of showing people who Jesus is and what it really means to be a Christian and not to just get by day to day but to really truly live. And I'm not sure what that looks like in the big picture but I think I'm starting to get a small glimpse of what it is like.
Seriously though, you have to ask yourself what you're living for. Do you have a purpose? What's the point of living if we've nothing to live for? We've all got different journeys in this life. We're not all meant to take the same path and live the same life and all that. One of the most glorious things about the way God created us is that we're so unique. And so my path looks different than yours. And I don't mean that in a new age kind of we can all believe different things and still end up in heaven. I mean it like, my path right now is to be in New Zealand doing this whole DTS thing, while others are to be in India or Cambodia or China, while others are to be back in the states working in their jobs with their familes. Cause everywhere we are, we can be glorifying Christ through the way we live. It's like, the thing that unites us is the Cross and the difference that it has made in our lives. But even then, it's not just "doing life" but living. Making every day count.
Yeah, I learned a lot in lectures on my DTS. And I learned a bit sitting in church on Sundays. But what has seriously changed me is my relationships with other people. There are a few people in my life that I look up to and they have changed the way I look at God and life and the world. They LIVE. They live in such a way that they don't take things for granted. They love passionately, stand up for justice, and put on the mind of Christ. That's the kind of person I want to be.
To not just scrape by. But to truly live.
---------------------------
On a less serious note, on Wednesday, one of the students asked me what I wanted for my birthday and I said that I wanted a pony. So he and two of the other guys took bikes around the countryside asking farmers if they could borrow a pony for me for my birthday. haha... how awesome is that?
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Apparently there was a time change in New Zealand today and no one told me because I got up at 8 to go to church at 9 and when I was ready to leave, I was told it was almost 10.
WINNER.
WINNER.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Monday, September 15, 2008
gettin' there.
9:16am Indianapolis time.
8:16am Chicago time.
My flight leaves Chicago at 2:50 or something.
Barf.
It's okay though, because soon after I write this, I'm going to go sleep somewhere in this place.
Anyway. Since I need to "update" my "freakin' blog" here's my life. This morning I left Indy to finish up my Around the World ticket. I'm headed to Dallas around 3 today to stay with my friend Heather and then on Thursday am flying up to Portland to see a couple friends from YWAM. I was supposed to fly out Saturday morning but because of ridiculous weather, I spent Saturday and Sunday night back in Columbus.
Seriously the craziest chain of events. For. Real. I wish I wasn't lazy because I'd explain it and you'd all be going, "what the heck?"
Anyway. I'm headed out of the states. From Portland, I'll be flying to Auckland and will be getting to New Zealand on September 24th and plan on being there for a while.
Write me. Skype me.
Send me letters.
lovelove.
8:16am Chicago time.
My flight leaves Chicago at 2:50 or something.
Barf.
It's okay though, because soon after I write this, I'm going to go sleep somewhere in this place.
Anyway. Since I need to "update" my "freakin' blog" here's my life. This morning I left Indy to finish up my Around the World ticket. I'm headed to Dallas around 3 today to stay with my friend Heather and then on Thursday am flying up to Portland to see a couple friends from YWAM. I was supposed to fly out Saturday morning but because of ridiculous weather, I spent Saturday and Sunday night back in Columbus.
Seriously the craziest chain of events. For. Real. I wish I wasn't lazy because I'd explain it and you'd all be going, "what the heck?"
Anyway. I'm headed out of the states. From Portland, I'll be flying to Auckland and will be getting to New Zealand on September 24th and plan on being there for a while.
Write me. Skype me.
Send me letters.
lovelove.
Thursday, September 04, 2008
Palin: Iraq war 'a task that is from God'
Man, good thing she said the war was from God. I was beginning to think it was a bad idea...
... yikes, man. that's a big statement.
Man, good thing she said the war was from God. I was beginning to think it was a bad idea...
... yikes, man. that's a big statement.
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
i'm in chicago right now which is a gift from God - seriously. hanging out with some ywam friends, catching up, drinking coffee, jumping off stuff, and just having a good time.
the typical oh man let's take our own photo picture
posing with the statue. but you can't really see it. boo.
coffee.dessert.friends
and this is only day one of our week long adventure.
the typical oh man let's take our own photo pictureposing with the statue. but you can't really see it. boo. coffee.dessert.friendsand this is only day one of our week long adventure.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
a taste of my summer.
n-joy.
i went to visit jess a couple times.
please note my awesome water bottle, thank you camelbak!
jess and i were in dublin, ohio when we spotted dale earnhardt senior!!!!! long live the intimidator!!!!!
and then we went to the whistle factory in columbus, ohio.
AND BROKE ALL THE RULES. please note jess' foot and my foot crossing THE YELLOW AND BLACK TAPE LINE DUN DUN DUN.
so another time before jess was about to leave for new zealand, we had a little excursion and took a mini roadtrip down to see our dear friend ashley.
and found this creeper along the way!!! he was driving up and smiling really big at us and then slowing down.
but then we finally found ash so it was okay!!!
i also got to hang out with some favorites downtown indy.
and play on photobooth when a cool kid called chase.
and then laughlaughlaugh taking pictures with gavin on photobooth.
and again. always funny.
seriously. such a good summer.
as in, i probably wouldn't trade it.
time here is coming to a close. two more weeks and i'm outtie.
kind of sad. ... definitely definitely definitely looking forward to what's next though.
n-joy.
i went to visit jess a couple times.
please note my awesome water bottle, thank you camelbak!jess and i were in dublin, ohio when we spotted dale earnhardt senior!!!!! long live the intimidator!!!!!and then we went to the whistle factory in columbus, ohio. AND BROKE ALL THE RULES. please note jess' foot and my foot crossing THE YELLOW AND BLACK TAPE LINE DUN DUN DUN.so another time before jess was about to leave for new zealand, we had a little excursion and took a mini roadtrip down to see our dear friend ashley. and found this creeper along the way!!! he was driving up and smiling really big at us and then slowing down. but then we finally found ash so it was okay!!!i also got to hang out with some favorites downtown indy.and play on photobooth when a cool kid called chase.and then laughlaughlaugh taking pictures with gavin on photobooth.and again. always funny.seriously. such a good summer.
as in, i probably wouldn't trade it.
time here is coming to a close. two more weeks and i'm outtie.
kind of sad. ... definitely definitely definitely looking forward to what's next though.
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